Interpersonal Skills in Children
Interpersonal skills in kids’ are very
significant and much delicate concept in the field of education today. Schools
are recognizing it and focusing it as an important area and planning ways to
develop it. Parents are also paying attention to the improvement of this skill within
the family or at home. In schools various activities like the school council, group
tasks, interactions among kids, collaborative learning, inter-school team
events, etc. activities are commonly seen where kids are prepared for a ‘work
together attitude’.
In a school children come from
academically, linguistically and economically heterogeneous backgrounds. Considerable
amount of knowledge is gained by every child everyday through class discussions
and other group learning methods where teachers ask students to present their
views about various topics. There are clear evidences of the benefits to kids
with regard to ‘group based instructional strategy’ in the field social and
academic learning. (Sharan, 1990; Slavin, 1983). But, only a few educators
and parents understand the crucial design elements and implementation
requirements needed for successful completion of group tasks.
Children start using their
interpersonal skills of communication right from after their birth. When a
newborn cries for milk, toddler yells to a particular toy, a baby cries to stop
the father from going off to work, etc. are all instances of interpersonal
communication within the family. Interpersonal skills are everyday’s
communication abilities that have been acquired by training over a period of
time. Interpersonal communication means communication (exchange of thoughts and
ideas) with other people either in a group or individually, at home or outdoors.
Social skills or interpersonal
skills develop gradually as children grow. It becomes complicated as their
circle of friends, relatives and peer group becomes bigger. Some students’
easily complete tasks designed for individuals but may face problems in devoting
time and energy to group consensus and group responsibilities; others may
openly oppose the risk of leaving their grades dependent on the efforts of
other members of their group. The teachers and the parents, therefore, must
deliberately and carefully plan learning tasks that are ‘group-worthy’ and
teach students to be socially intelligent. Social Intelligence (SI) and
Emotional Intelligence (EI) terms are closely related to each other and were
proposed by the same author Daniel Goleman.
Emotional Intelligence refers to the
ability to perceive, regulate and evaluate one’s emotions positively. It helps
to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, defuse
conflicts, overcome challenges, etc.[1] whereas Social Intelligence gets extended
beyond individual to interpersonal relations with people around in the society including
social awareness and relationship management. It is ones’ ability of observe,
recognize, interpret and use constructively the emotions of people around in
the society. Social relations or interpersonal relations are very effective and
is of vital importance for success in many fields, particularly leadership.
Emotional intelligence is a part
of Social Intelligence. First an individual should be self-aware to be able to
understand one’s mind and then the individual can progress to understand others
around him/ her.
In the words of Daniel Goleman
“...the ingredients of social intelligence as I see it can be organized into
two broad categories: social awareness, what we sense about others—and social
facility, what we then do with that awareness.” Social Quotient, on the other
hand enforces what we know about the importance of interpersonal relations
primarily that of Social Awareness and Social Facilitation or Relationship
Management. Social Awareness primarily deals with instantaneous sensing of
another’s state inner state of being, understanding others’ feelings and
thoughts, and recognizing complicated situations. [2]
As every other thing,
interpersonal skills are also absorbed by kids from their surroundings. These
are very essential life skills which are required to get along with people in
the society. Ability to greet everyone, join a conversation, make new friends,
resolve a conflict, co-ordinate with classmates for projects, perform group
tasks, etc. are all included in these skills. These skills are needed everyday
throughout life. Tact, diplomacy, social norms and careful handling of
sensitive issues are some qualities in humans that do not develop overnight
instead they take years of experience. In fact, Social Intelligence is one of
the cluster of "intelligences," according to the theory of multiple
intelligences (MI) advanced by Professor Howard Gardner of Harvard University.
Some of the important reasons for developing
interpersonal skills in kids at an early age include the following:
· Children
are able to communicate in a better way with their friends, elders and classmates.
Kids are able to cultivate meaningful relationships.
· They
can understand the differences among the children and learn to deal with the
differences. This leads to a better understanding o the society as well.
· Group
tasks, paired assignments and collaborative work become easier to handle and
yield better results.
· Kids
get opportunities to express themselves clearly and are respected for being an
individual.
· Children
become socially more active as they get a clear picture of what behaviour is
expected from them in a group.
· They develop
a strong sense of individuality while learning to become a member of a group. Children
must retain their individuality, yet they must give it up by putting the
welfare and interest of the group before their own.
In the school,
the focus on social skill development is threefold, revolving around the
development of the following:
1. Self-concept. Children’s
feelings about themselves are the foundation from which they learn to relate to
and communicate with others.
2. Prosocial skills.
Being able to cooperate and share are necessary for forming solid relationships
with others.
3. Making and keeping friends.
Children who relate to and communicate with others, sharing and cooperating,
are those who are accepted by their peers and can make and keep friends.[3]
Electronic media,
Social Networking, extremely busy parents, instant messaging; Television,
Internet, etc. are some of the technology related problems which hamper the
growth of emotional and social intelligence. Kids spend ample time watching TV, playing games on computer or
mobile and have a negative impact on attention, academic performance, personal
and interpersonal understanding. It has been observed in researches that kids
who see more TV learn to read later and slower. Their minds are hyper-activated
with colours, actions, and videos. Reading, writing and learning seem less
active and un-interesting activities to them.
Increased exposure to violence on TV, video games or real life has been
proven to result in:
·
More aggressive behaviour
·
More aggressive thoughts
·
More angry feelings
·
Less empathy
·
Fewer helping behaviours
·
Increases in fear, etc.
Spending more time over internet,
chatting or social networking sites steal from the kids their valuable time of
social or family interactions. In the words of Albert Einstein "It has
become exceedingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."
Finally, it
can be said that systematically embedding additional planned social interactions
throughout the classroom and at home provides increased opportunities for learning
positive social behaviours to make the world a friendlier and better place to
be in.
[1] Emotional Intelligence (EQ),
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_raising_emotional_intelligence.htm
[2] Lana K. Jelenjev , HELPING
CHILDREN DEVELOP INTERPERSONAL SKILLS AT HOME, Parents Guide, Tutor Time
International Preschool & Kindergarten , http://tutortime.co.id/curriculumfile/Developing-interpersonal-skills.pdf
February 2007
[3] C. Seefeldt , Social
Studies for the Preschool/Primary Child, 2005, p. 132-136
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